Background information: My book, Divorce and Remarriage, went out of print in April of 2002. For those interested, there are still a limited supply of the book available for purchase.
She Was In Tears
The woman was in tears. On the phone she sobbed as she told me that though her pastor encouraged her to divorce her physically abusive husband several years earlier, he would not now preform her new wedding to a wonderful Christian man who had never been married and who also attended their church. Why not? Because she was divorced! Now, catch this: He was the one who told her to leave her abusive husband, but now he would not do her new wedding ceremony to a wonderful, Christian man. Rather, he told her to go find another pastor outside of "his church"to marry them.
To add insult to injury, she had a terminal disease, and she would not be around much longer to enjoy her new husband. All she wanted was to spend the last two or so years of her life as the wife of this wonderful Christian man.
Keep Paying Your Tithes Though
Then, as if all that wasn't bad enough, her pastor wanted these newlyweds to continue to attend his church and pay their "tithes" to his church after they got married.
What was even more amazing than all of this was the fact that this couple was so bamboozled by this pastor, that they had full intentions of getting married in another church (one that would accept them) and then return to their original church.
I wanted to have a "face to face" with the woman's so-called "pastor." However, not wanting to put her through any more than she was already enduring, I decided to hold my tongue. That was eight years ago. That pastor is no longer in that church, and I feel that I can now go ahead and write this article.
Don't Let Them Treat You that Way
What is it about divorced and remarried people that allow themselves to be abused by others, including pastors like the one described above? What self-respecting person would ever return to the "church" and "pastor" described above? And, what is it about smug "Christian pastors" that makes them believe that divorced people aren't good enough to be a part of the "family,"but their money is good enough to receive?
I think that for the abused there are a couple of reasons. First, many people get their eyes off Christ and become mesmerized by their pastors. This is sometimes so acute that people tend to believe every word a pastor says as though he can do no wrong. Second, they are often ignorant of the most basic elements of the Gospel of Christ, like, for instance, forgiveness.
The abusers (the pastors) likewise have a couple of "reasons." First, many times they, believe it or not, are just as ignorant as the laypeople. Oh, they sound informed as they quote Scripture and loudly trumpet their teachings from the pulpit, but many times they are repeating what they have been told by their teachers, who were repeating what their teachers told them, and so on. Secondly, it is hard to go against the current. Many pastors repeat what their colleagues teach because they want to have the praise and acceptance of men. Any pastor who has attended a pastors' conference knows this to be true. Their fear of being an outcast makes them "keep the faith," even though "the faith" they are keeping may be nothing more than dead traditionalism.
Is Divorce Ever Permissible?
This leads me to ask, is divorce and remarriage ever permissible in God's eyes? Jesus clearly taught that there was an avenue by which it is permissible for a Christian to initiate a divorce, and it is based upon what is called the exception clause (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). Jesus says that a person cannot divorce his spouse except for fornication (marital unfaithfulness).
One is not bound to their marriage when his/her spouse has already broken the marriage covenant through "fornication." When that happens, the Christian is permitted to divorce. What one must remember is that under the Old Testament Law, the penalty for adultery was death. Capital punishment was given not to break the marriage relationship, but it was given to recognize that it was already broken by the unfaithful spouse, and that the unfaithful spouse was to suffer the consequences.
Forgiveness is Certainly Best
Please note very carefully however that Jesus did not command a person to divorce her spouse if he was unfaithful, but divorce does become a legitimate option. However, the whole message of the gospel is that one can be forgiven of his/her sins if there is true repentance. Likewise, the spouse of the unfaithful partner should, if it is possible, forgive the offending party. God's highest ideal and will is for the couple to be reconciled through repentance and forgiveness.
Fornication Defined: Then and Now
Since divorce is permissible on the grounds of fornication, it is important to understand the definition of fornication. The word fornication in the Bible is a translation of the Greek word porneia. The King James version of the Bible translates porneia as "fornication." The Amplified Version translates it as "unfaithfulness (sexual immorality)." The New International Version translates it "marital unfaithfulness."
In English, the word fornication has recently been understood to mean sexual relations between unmarried persons (by consentof each). And there is a semantic anachronism fallacy that many people employ with this word.
The word fornication, today, means something different from adultery because fornication does not involve married persons. However, back in the days of good old King James, the word fornication did mean sexual immorality, including adultery. But, the King James version of the Bible is not a good translation for modern English usage. The newer translations are better at expressing the true meaning of the word porneia. Basically, porneia means any illicit sexual relationships, and that includes adultery.
Therefore, according to Jesus, marital unfaithfulness (porneia--adultly) is grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), and the Christian has permission to initiate (yes, I said initiate) the divorce if his/her spouse has been unfaithful to the marriage covenant through sexual misconduct.
If Jesus Himself gave grounds for divorce and remarriage, how can a pastor or people in the church treat those who are divorced and remarried on those very grounds as second-class citizens in the Kingdom of God?
Still, some people want to argue that the word fornication (porneia) simply does not mean general marital unfaithfulness, but they say it means more precisely, sexual relations between unmarried persons (by consent of each). Thus, it is impossible for a person who is married to commit fornication (porneia) because by definition, it must be between two unmarried persons. This is, as I said above, a semantic anachronism: i.e., a definition out of time. What they are doing is reading our 21st century definition back into the 1611 Bible (KJV).
You see, limited sexual relations between two unmarried people is simply not an accurate understanding of the Greek word porneia, nor of the old (1611) use of the word, fornication. You must understand that words can and often do change meaning over years of use (and misuse--the word "gay" is a case in point).
In King James' era, the word fornication meant general sexual immorality, including adultery and even incest. In fact, there is a very interesting story in 1 Corinthians 5:1. There, the apostle Paul uses the word porneia to indicate an illicit sexual relationship when he rebukes the Corinthian church for allowing this great perversion to go on in their midst (1 Corinthians 5:1). Then, the KJV translates that word (porneia) as fornication. What was this fornication? Was it sexual intercourse between unmarried persons? Well, let's look at Paul's words:
It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as it not so much as names among the Gentiles, that one should have is father's wife" (1 Corinthians 5:1, KJV).
His father's wife! This was a married woman committing fornication. It is abundantly clear from this passage alone that Paul used the word porneia (the same word Jesus used in the exception clause) to indicate an immoral sexual relationship that involved a married woman, and the KJV translators used the word fornication to translate the word porneia. So ends the debate. Fornication simply means any kid of sexual immorality, and that includes adultery.
Shame on the Leadership
Pastors who take people's money but do not truly shepherd them will be accountable to God, not to their colleagues in ministry. If you have been divorced and remarried and your pastor is not accepting you and treating you as Jesus would, then perhaps you should find a church where they (1) really know what the Bible says about these (and many other) issues, and where they actually (2) believe the Bible, and (3) where they truly shepherd the flock.
